4. Like an Event Friend

FIRAT URAN

-  I can not be with you anymore. I want a break up. 

- Why?

- 'cause you are not with me for who I am. You just need to be with someone. It does not matter if it is me or someone else. 

- No this is not true. I feel alive when I am around you. You bring joy to my life. We did so many things together. I do not think that I can do all of those things with someone else. 

- What things?

-  Theaters, concerts, friend gatherings, travels…

- Well you just need someone to stand  next to you for these events. Like an event friend. You do not like other people seeing you alone. You think you would look  ridiculous  if nobody stood next to you. So you see, it does not matter if it is me or someone else who is next to you. I am breaking up with you and you can fill this  emptiness  with someone else. 

-  Are you seeing someone?

- No. But there is someone that I am thinking about.

- This explains everything.

- No it does  not. I can not see myself in our relationship. It all started because of this. 

- Who is he?

- I do not want to tell.

- What does he do?

- Does it matter?

- Yes, I wanna know about him. You and me, we can talk about everything without censorhip. This kind of communication is crucial between us. So you better start telling me.

- He is from a village. He likes to be in nature.

- What do you like about him?

- I like his mind. I feel like his soul have different dimentions. When I talk to him he makes me feel like I'm going on  a journey and discovering what is hidden in there.

- How did you meet with him?

- I was at the bank. Waiting for you to finish your work. Watching you from afar. He came there as your customer. You talked to him without any attention. It was probably  because  he was not wearing an expensive suit like yours. Just because of that you thought he does not have any money. Someone without money is not worth your attention.

- Come on! I was probably bored. It was the end of the day. I deal with hundreds of people everyday. Why do you judge me like this!

- He noticed me when he was leaving. Looked at me and smiled. There was some kind of mystic energy between us. It was like he was opening a new window for me. I went outside after him. He was rolling his tabocco. We were standing next to each other and he offered me a cigarette.

- Was  this the day you were waiting for me and suddenly disappeared? I called you like five times and you did not answer! So this was what you were doing, smoking  with other guys. Who knows what else you did.

- It's not like what you think.

- So tell me then. What should I think?

- We started talking. He told me that he is living outside of town in a small village. He built his own commune. They are all living together. 

- Did you go there with him?

- No. We just got  a coffee. He told me  all those thing while we were at the coffee shop.

- You told me that you saw your old friend. I can not believe that you lied to me…

- Yes, and I am sorry about that. I do not want to lie anymore. This is why we should break up.

- Are you going to leave me and live with him?

- I can not deny this. I want to. 

-  Why do you trust him? You just had a coffee with him and you think you know him?

- We talked on the phone since then.

- Did you meet with him again?

- No, we just talked on the phone. Like everyday.

- What did you talk about with a stranger?

- We talked about everything. The conversation between us flowed. I  realized  how unhappy I am while  trying to be a perfect couple with you 'just like an Ikea catalog. 

- So all the time when you were with me, you were faking it… Faking that you were happy?

- No I was not. I was thinking that this was what I want, then suddenly I  realized  that it was not.

- So what do you want?

- I want another kind of life. Living with a people that I enjoy in the same house. Creating art together. Talking, drinking and sharing.

- Let's do it together.

- No.

- Why not?

- I want to do this with him.

- Why him?

- This is difficult to explain but I feel like my molecules were with his molecules before everything started.

- What molecules?

- Ah stop this. Stop interrogating me.

- I am trying to understand you!

- There are things that you can not understand.

- Because I work at the Bank and I am common?

- Maybe.

- Do you think I am common?

- Are you?

- Well seems like you made your decision.

- I think I did.

- There will be  consequences to  your decision.

- What do you mean?

- We will not see each other anymore.

- Why?

- You made your decision. You chose  another life without me. Why should we talk?

- Because you are my friend. We have lots of memories together. We both have habits.

- Yeah memories that you were faking. No this is it. You will go on your own way and I will go on mine.

- Why can not we stay friends?

- Because you broke my heart. I can not be your friend with my heart broken.

- I'm sorry about that. I did not mean to. Things change you know.

- Not in an Ikea Catalog. They are always happy no matter what. Will you be happy?

- I can not be all the time. This is not real. But I will be happy for some moments and it is worth it  to try.

- Try it then. But do not come back to me when you get your heart broken.

- No I will not. I will continue.