3. A quarter of an hour of isolation

Tammy Monday

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20:46  At nine a wonderful country begins. I deftly prepare something for my man to eat. He got a little cold, poor thing. I wash my hands. We need him now to catch up with the little one. The truth is we will enter the room without arguing. I look at him through the transparent door of the study. He seems to be enjoying himself. The whole room to himself. Large screen and en suite bathroom. I disinfect the thermometer and place it on the tray. To measure. It's wet and dark outside. From the morning rain showers. Now respite. The gutter launches transparent needles in the puddles in the yard. It is not subject to external rhythm. It is not known when the next drop will fall. It's Chinese torture. And if I shout someone will hear my voice?

20:49  This situation made me confused. I slice myself two pieces of a loaf of whole wheat with a serrated bread knife. My husband is watching an action movie. The anemic war that everyone is engaged in is not for him. There was always a poisoned man. Maybe I should have considered my steps more closely, documented in memory, and not spoken. But he always knew how to target me. He knew how to direct all his commands. He was talked about as a prodigy as a commander. Well ... psychopaths get along in the military, crazy about it. The army is also mad at them back. In terms of the system everyone will be psychopaths. Ordinary people - need to invest in them. Turn that thing off for them inside. As a soldier this thing is a nuisance. This is why they are trained until they do what they need to do out of sleep. And / op. Until it's that simple. Cursed, little one says. I check the monitor. It transmits its rhythmic breaths.

20:51  Crush avocado with a fork. Burning with fresh lemon I picked from our tree. What a wet night. There is no peace in the village where my husband put us. Not in the dark fields, nor in the casuarina race that has been bleeding on the road since yesterday, interfering with the blonde jeep that lives in front of us getting out of the parking lot. The media no longer flaps politics. Instead of managing the situation, they drift in and undermine themselves. By the way, psychopaths also star in politics. Politics is his goal. I have a man with ambitions. I look at him from behind. Who even knows what's going on inside his head. What does he think? He thinks exclusively. What do I know? It is centered on the screen. I'm focused on it. People do not understand why I'm complaining. After all, we started from scratch, and now we have a home that others only dream of. And where else! He paid extra just for the ethos, so that the little one would grow up in an authentic character with the scent of chickens. But I did not ask for a house in the village. Are you not happy? He grabs me as I open the door to give the tray, carefully bringing me close to his mouth around my neck. His lips are soft and firm. psychopath. Someone save me from this assumption.

20:52  He arranged a welfare life for us. There is nothing in the world that my man can not arrange. He also arranged the little girl's affairs in the garden before deciding on the situation. The kindergarten teacher suggested that we consider a professional look. Our girl is sown in her horror garden, then watches the kids from the sidelines and rolls with laughter. Do not catalog me girl, silenced her with that smile of his, and she blinked and immediately agreed to be careful with labels and not to jump to conclusions. A girl's mind is a very complex and even delicate thing. I came out agitated. What a wicked amusement. Not my genes. You will understand what goes through the girl's mind. It's my man. think positive. The inability of a psychopath to put a dick, with the reinforcement of a few drops of empathy (from your side, my love), can just suffice ... Mmm, say, for the Prime Minister of the State of Israel. After the meeting he took me to sit somewhere, and ordered us a double breakfast. I remember it like in a distant dream. Wanted to reassure me. It was sweet on his part. He apologized for firing the Filipino at me and promised to compensate. After all, I can understand for myself that this is not the time to take risks. I have to stop worrying, he said. I was not worried. So what if the house is empty in the mornings. I did not ask for a Filipina, and in any case, she was from Sudan. A Sudanese-type Filipino, but what he knows, is a psychopath. Here, I apply the completely green pulp myself. Gets along alone. If he recognized a shadow of concern in the cafe there, it was because of an unlikely scenario that suddenly occurred to me. That a suicide bomber would suddenly come in, and ruin our morning. If such a thing were to happen, my husband would forget about everything and attack him. He does not control it. Many years ago he described to me how it feels. How does it start from a small spark in the chest, as if someone had lit a match there, and the burn spreads all over the chest and devours the blood. Anyway, he would storm in without thinking about the family or himself for a moment, because he is a hero ... and also a psychopath. It took me a while to realize that psychopaths and heroes are not so different from each other ... sometimes they are even the same man. Like mine that are predicted to reach the top. Anyone who has genetically programmed psychopathic tendencies to be a boss of other people. What's on the way is just an annoying noise for him. He will do the right thing, and not feel bad, he just is not capable of it. Guilt is an emotion he can only imagine. Why regret? There is no use in that. That's why features like his are needed in an organization that ... in any organization, basically.

20:57  Crazy wind. Warm cats howl from somewhere like rusty violin strings. In the end, no suicide bomber entered us. Just announced a mysterious Chinese virus. The row of cypresses in the window is swaying. They are about to crash without sound, like soldiers trying to fight an invisible enemy. People do not believe. Like not believing I married a psychopath. Think a psychopath must be some kind of serial killer. It is not known that one in a hundred people is a psychopath. Usually the psychopath himself does not know he is like that. Mine certainly not. I tell him all the time, but he does not believe. Funny him. Today it is possible to check it on an MRI, but why should he check? His symptoms do not bother him. Just me.

20:58  I press the slices together. A chilling moment. Things happen in the world as if I were air. I seal the bowl with the crushed avocado in cling film. Even more acute things are likely to happen by this morning. They demand my attention. An unsettled rooster calls out in the dark rather. And perhaps unchallenged? But even the cat sneezes and exhales for no reason. What does he see? He knows the things that are hidden from me.

20:59  And suddenly quiet. Like an introduction to something. Even the cats on the street fell silent. Come sit next to me, he leaves the study without asking, and swells on the couch. I remember then, in the cafe he said, what are you worried about, it's something you do not even eat or shit. Just a piece of DNA that fell apart from something and wore a spinning dress. Less than a bacterium, it does not even live. This is not true. These creatures are more than inanimate matter: they are in the gray area between the living and the inanimate. On the verge of life. I've even heard that some can do amazing things, like reproduce in a dead cell, and even bring it back to life. A virus is an entity that can be resurrected from ashes. Well, come on. The diary is over in a few minutes. Did you see how they suddenly forgot about corruption? I told you, all nonsense is corruption. Come on, leave already and let's start a great country. captivity. The cat hurries to his knees. He attracts me too. I collapse next to him.

21:00  Greg's seven of a cat.